Early Pride Matters

The importance of gender in early childhood

The aim isn’t to create a genderless world; it’s to contribute to a genderfull one. We as a society have an opportunity to shake up childhood gender socialization in a way that creates more healthy and equitable adulthoods for everyone. What have we got to lose? The patriarchy? Good riddance.

— Kyl Myers, PhD, author of Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting

CHILDREN ARE CONSTANTLY LEARNING ABOUT GENDER by observing adult behavior and portrayals of gender in the world. Young children are also curious, capable and active learners who actively explore gender through their play and interactions. As early childhood educators, it is our responsibility to help children understand the world they inhabit—and to move beyond gender stereotypes to teach them about gender in a way that reflects and affirms the lived realities of all people.

Gender is an important aspect of identity development.

Gender identity development is already well underway in early childhood. With this in mind, we should avoid gender stereotyping as we care for and teach young children. If we perpetuate gender stereotypes, we cannot expect children to understand and accept gender diversity later in life. If we assume that children will “figure it out when they are older”—and we fail to include affirming examples of gender diversity in our early childhood classrooms—we place children at greater risk of experiencing mental health issues and other challenges later in life. Conversely, when we address gender identity and diversity with young children, they begin to see gender as a continuum, rather than as a rigid binary. Some of the children in your classroom today will be the gender-diverse adults of tomorrow. How will they come to see themselves in a world that does not depict, include or affirm them?

All children explore gender and gender identity through play, observation and conversation.

Young children can easily grasp the concept of gender diversity when the subject is broached in a clear and straightforward way. We can engage early learners in conversations about gender and ask them questions that will encourage them to think critically about what gender really means. They can easily learn to use pronouns; in fact, they already do! Children are extremely receptive to the ideas of change and growth—and rarely feel threatened when presented with an idea that requires them to think differently about the world. This is one reason why early childhood is such an important time to support emerging knowledge and identities!

Children gain a better understanding of gender through their interactions.

Young children receive messages about gender from adults, the media and their peers. They notice similarities and differences between their own bodies and the bodies of their parents and/or siblings. They are likely to share their observations about body parts and how these body parts are related to their own gender and the gender of others. They may comment on or experiment with stereotypical boy/girl gender roles based on what they have seen at home, at school, in the media and in the world at large. While it is often more noticeable when a child experiments with gender roles that are not typically associated with their assigned sex at birth, children commonly explore and experiment with gender in some way. It is only when others project their biases, fears and discomfort onto children that we see silence and shame emerge.

Children naturally begin to classify objects and people at an early age.

Sorting, categorizing and classifying are important early math skills—and early childhood classrooms provide ample opportunities for children to learn how to sort and classify objects by making observations about their physical characteristics. As young children begin to become more aware of gender, however, this is a good time to point out that using this method to categorize people can lead to misunderstandings. Encourage them to ask others about their backgrounds, interests or gender preferences—and point out that they can draw the wrong conclusions about people if they rely on observation alone.

Is gender identity really that important? Will children even remember this period of development?

Many young children don’t have specific memories of their early childhood years. But some children do. In any case, the limitations of memory should not be used as an excuse to forego inclusive practices. We would never argue against the importance of positive relationships, nurturing caregiving or stimulating and developmentally appropriate activities for children in this age group. These practices have a dramatic impact on young children, whether they remember them or not. This is also true for practices that affirm diversity. Early learners are not too young to learn about the full spectrum of gender identity. In fact, studies show that attempts to circumvent gender diversity are not only detrimental to the social-emotional development of young children. When we ignore the need for inclusive, affirming practices for children between the ages of birth of five, children (and their families) ultimately pay the price.

Who benefits from learning about gender identity and diversity?

Everyone benefits! This work is all about affirming children’s voices and choices. To achieve this goal, we must use our powers of observation and our listening skills to better understand what children are trying to tell us about themselves. Then we must affirm and support them. This will require us to resist the urge to push binary gender stereotypes onto children. It will also require us to lean in and engage with children who contradict the gender binary so that we can gain greater insights into their gender identities and encourage them to be who they are. Consider the long-term benefits of this approach—as well as the powerful role that early childhood educators can play in affirming gender diversity. We may be among the first people to create spaces where children feel safe enough to explore and express their true gender identities.

While we create safe and affirming spaces for gender-expansive children, we must also support their peers by communicating the following principles:

• • People are diverse.

• • There is no one right way to express one’s gender.

• • Everyone is worthy of respect for who they are.

• • We must all practice kindness and show empathy.

• • Being an ally means standing up for one another.

When we address these needs, we lay the groundwork for important social-emotional learning and development. By starting early, we can also help protect trans and gender-expansive children from bullying, depression, anxiety, and self-harm in the years to come. However, the benefits of this approach are not limited to those who fall outside of the gender binary. Rigid gender stereotyping is associated with poorer mental health outcomes for cisgender boys and girls as well.