Expressing Our Feelings

In this activity, children will learn how to express their feelings so that others can understand and respond appropriately.

Early pride concepts

  • Friendship and love

Age groups

  • Infants/toddlers
  • Two-year-olds
  • Preschoolers

Classroom areas

  • Small group setting
  • Classroom library
  • Dolls and figures

Key vocabulary

  • Words that represent children's feelings

Step 1: Gather materials.

  • This activity does not require any special materials. Consider adding books to your classroom library that address how we express our feelings. Start with those in the Suggested Books section below.

Step 2: Introduce activity.

  • Begin this activity by intentionally supporting and affirming the children as they experience intense emotions throughout the day.
  • As you address their social-emotional needs, keep in mind that small things are very important to young children.
  • Make it a goal to validate the children's feelings in their interactions with other members of their early childhood community.
  • NOTE: Labeling a child's emotions is not innovative: early childhood educators do this all the time! However, at times we may not realize that we undermine emotional sensitivity by inadvertently censoring children as they experience strong emotions. We can be quite willing to celebrate children’s happiness and joy, but we can fail to provide them with any way to acceptably express sadness, frustration, fear, anger, or concern that an injustice has been committed. Engaging children as key players in their own emotional lives means that we must leave room for them to experience, vent and express their emotions.

Step 3: Engage children in activity.

  • To validate children's emotions instead of minimizing them, try the following:
    • When emotions are running high, allow the children to have their emotions instead of telling them what to do next. When the strong feelings subside, ask: “What can we do to help you feel better?”
  • Swap invalidating responses for validating ones:
    • “You’re ok.” (invalidating) vs. “That was scary, huh?” (validating)
    • “Be a big boy/girl.” (invalidating) vs. “I can tell you are sad.” (validating)
    • “I know you’re upset, but…” (invalidating) vs. “I can tell that makes you very upset." (validating)
    • “You need to share.” (invalidating) vs. “I can see that you both want the toy.” (validating)
    • “I know you’re mad, but you need to clean up.” (invalidating) vs. “I know it’s hard to stop playing when you are having fun.” (validating)
  • Resist the urge to control challenging situations and impose solutions immediately to leave space for the children to express their feelings safely.

Adaptations by age

Infants and toddlers
  • When the youngest children are struggling with strong emotions, use simple language to label their feelings and mirror their facial expressions to provide the support and empathy they need to regain their emotional equilibrium.
  • As you narrate and acknowledge the emotions of very young children, provide positive feedback whenever they self-soothe or distract themselves.
Two-year-olds
  • Two-year-olds experience a significant amount of intense emotion and conflict as they navigate this age and developmental stage. When intense emotions and outbursts inevitably arise, remember to acknowledge their feelings with sensitivity and empathy before attempting to engage them in problem-solving.
Preschoolers
  • As the children move through preschool, strive to make them increasingly aware of their emotions, how they express their emotions, and how their emotions compare to the emotions of other children.
  • Support your preschoolers as they engage in solitary or social problem-solving.
  • Then reinforce their emerging attempts to express their emotions and solve the problems that evoke intense emotions.

Suggested books

What Illinois Early Learning Guideline does this meet for children from birth to age three?
Developmental DomainSocial-Emotional Development
Standard: Emotional ExpressionChildren demonstrate an awareness of and the ability to identify and express emotions.
Indicators for children:
  • Expresses wants with intentionality, e.g., pushes an unwanted object out of the way, reaches for a familiar adult when wanting to be carried. (7–18 months)
  • Expresses fear by crying or turning toward caregiver(s) for comfort. (7–18 months)
  • Shows anger and frustration, e.g., cries when a toy is taken away. (7–18 months)
  • Recognizes and expresses emotion toward a familiar person, e.g., shows emotion by hugging a sibling. (7–18 months)
  • Demonstrates anger and frustration through a wide range of physical, vocal and facial expressions, e.g., temper tantrums. (16–24 months)
  • Expresses pride, e.g., smiles, claps, or says, “I did it” after completing a task. (16– 24 months)
  • Attempts to use a word to describe feelings to a familiar adult. (16–24 months)
  • Expresses wonder and delight while exploring the environment and engaging others. (16–24 months)
  • Attempts to use words to describe feelings and names emotions (21 to 36 months)
  • Acts out different emotions while engaged in pretend play, e.g., cries when pretending to be sad, jumps up and down for excitement. (21–36 months)
  • Begins to express complex emotions such as pride, embarrassment, shame, and guilt. (21–36 months)

What Illinois Early Learning and Development Standards does this meet for preschoolers?
Social/Emotional Development Standard30AIdentify and manage one’s emotions and behavior.
  • Benchmark 30.A.ECa:

    Recognize and label basic emotions.

  • Benchmark 30.A.ECb:

    Use appropriate communication skills when expressing needs, wants, and feelings.

  • Benchmark 30.A.ECc:

    Express feelings that are appropriate to the situation.