Early Pride Matters

Step 1: Gather materials.

• This activity does not require any special materials. Books about childhood friendship can support your teaching about friendship, so look for opportunities to integrate these into your classroom library and share them with children in small and large groups. Click on the link in our Suggested Books section below for books about childhood friendship and love.

Step 2: Introduce activity.

• To help children become strong peer allies, we must first help them develop healthy friendships with other children.
• Consider employing the practices below in your classroom and throughout the day.

Step 3: Engage children in activity.

When we correct children's social behaviors, we often refer to concepts such as sharing, generosity, community, and cooperation. However, these concepts are often too abstract for young children to fully grasp. If you're looking for a more effective way to help young children understand and embody these values, try some of the suggestions below:

• Notice, comment on and commend positive social behaviors. It is a common misconception that very young children lack social awareness and encounter difficulties with peers solely because of developmental egocentrism. As a result, complex behaviors such as sharing often become a strong focus in early childhood classrooms—even though children are often not ready to fully understand or practice these behaviors. By focusing too early on correcting children with regard to things like sharing, we often miss and/or fail to acknowledge many other positive social behaviors that early learners are exhibiting throughout the day.
• Start building an awareness of the concept of friendship with these simple steps:
  • Recognize social behaviors that are developmentally appropriate for the children in your classroom.
  • Point out positive social behaviors and narrate them so that the children begin to understand that these behaviors are the building blocks of friendship.
• Use language such as:
  • “Look at how nicely you are all working together!”
  • “You gave him your doll! It was so nice of you to give him a turn to play with it.”
  • “I saw you give your friend a hug when she was sad. What a good friend you are.”
  • “Look at how Reva and Mae are taking turns with the ball.”
• Note that the suggested statements outlined above do not include generic praise such as “good job.” Nor do they include the commonly used phrase, "Thank you for sharing," which implies that children should engage in social behaviors to gain adult approval. Whenever possible, try to use language that underscores the idea that positive social behaviors build community and foster friendships.
• Avoid negativity. It's easy to fall into the trap of creating a negative classroom environment by fixating on stopping and correcting challenging behaviors. Often, children need adults to interpret and respond to these situations rather than immediately asserting their authority. When conflicts occur, calmly approach the children and try to avoid jumping in as the “fixer.” Interpret what is happening for the children in the context of friendship. Here are a few approaches to try:
  • “You are hurting your friend.” (Instead of: "We don't hit.")
  • “I see that you both want this toy. I am going to help you figure this out.” (Instead of: "You need to share.")
  • “She is telling you that she doesn’t like that.” (Instead of: "We don’t do that in this class.”)
• Use problem-solving strategies. Approach peer conflict calmly as a normal part of learning how to get along. Rather than reproaching children who are engaged in typical early childhood struggles, approach them with a problem-solving mindset and support them in finding a solution. Sometimes that solution may be as simple as one child losing interest and moving on. Leaving a conflict and investing one's attention and energy elsewhere is actually a useful coping strategy! More formal approaches—such as HighScope’s problem-solving model, in which the teacher provides guidance as the children work together to resolve their conflict—can be very useful, as long as we maintain age-appropriate expectations for the children involved.
• Reflect. What does friendship among young children mean to you and to the children you work with? How can you develop basic expectations around caring, empathy and kindness that serve as building blocks for allyship?

Adaptations by age

Infants and toddlers

• Focus on helping the youngest children develop skills such as making eye contact with peers, vocalizing to each other, and imitating one another.
• Encourage the youngest children to notice what the other children are doing. Using very simple language, explain what the other children might be feeling.
• When the children engage in parallel play, provide positive feedback to encourage them to share space and play together.

Two-year-olds

• Encourage conversation among children. Draw parallels between children's interests by encouraging them to notice one another's work.
• Use problem-solving strategies when conflict inevitably occurs.
• Practice your skills at positive narration! Acknowledge when children share and take turns without prompting from adults. This will increase their awareness of the importance and benefits of these behaviors.
• Encourage the children to think of ways to help someone who is feeling hurt or sad.

Preschoolers

• Preschoolers are beginning to understand rules and why they exist, so this is a good time to align rules with ideas about community and friendship when applicable.
• Teach about, support and celebrate friendships between preschoolers, as well as extended interactions and positive social behaviors such as sharing and empathy.
• Teach and practice problem-solving steps and encourage and validate children for their attempts to understand and resolve everyday problems.