How we perpetuate problematic gender stereotypes
EVEN BEFORE A CHILD IS BORN, the gender stereotyping has begun. From baby names to toys and clothing, expectant parents are faced with a dizzying array of options—and their ultimate choices are strongly influenced by gender stereotypes.
When a child enters the world, this gender stereotyping intensifies. Newborn babies are bombarded with gendered language, customs and expectations as they interact with family members and caregivers. These stereotypes are so deeply ingrained in our culture that adults are often unaware of the gender biases that shape their interactions with young children.
Gender roles, rules and stereotypes are introduced early and reinforced continuously. Yet, when the subject of gender identity is broached in the context of early childhood education, we often hear the phrase “let kids be kids.” Ironically, when it comes to gender, we rarely let kids be kids! Instead, we impose rigid ideas about masculinity and femininity on young children, which limits their potential and often causes harm in early childhood and later in life.
That’s why it’s so important to reflect on how and why we perpetuate gender stereotypes—and to educate ourselves about the gender biases that are so pervasive and persistent in our society. Read on to learn how uninformed adults can inadvertently harm young children, despite their best efforts and intentions.
We confuse sex with gender—and make binary assumptions about both.
People often use these terms interchangeably, but they have separate and distinct meanings. Here’s the simple answer: Sex refers to biological and physical differences, while gender is about personal identity.
However, the characteristics that influence a child’s sex and gender are far more complex. So let’s dig a little deeper.
Sex is primarily associated with physical and physiological features that include chromosomes, gene expression, and hormone levels and functions, as well as reproductive anatomy. Sex is usually categorized as female or male, but not all children fall into these categories. Intersex children, for example, are born with sex characteristics that do not conform to binary notions of male or female bodies. Nearly 2% of children are born intersex and—while this category is naturally occurring and incredibly diverse—doctors often assign a sex at birth and perform surgeries to “normalize” a child’s intersex anatomy and erase the complexity of the child’s biology and identity.
These surgeries—performed to make it easier for a child to “grow up normal” and “integrate more easily into society”—can inflict irreversible physical and psychological harm. In recent years, human rights groups and intersex activists have begun to push back against this controversial practice—and most medical practitioners now acknowledge that parents may “prefer to leave their child’s body intact.” According to a physician quoted in the 2017 Human Rights Watch report, “I Want to Be Like Nature Made Me”: Medically Unnecessary Surgeries on Intersex Children in the US, “We’re listening to the adult patients who are telling us that they feel they were mistreated and mutilated—and that’s a very powerful thing.” However, some U.S. surgeons continue to perform risky and medically unnecessary cosmetic surgeries on intersex children, often before they are able to talk—and years before they are capable of giving informed consent. Human rights groups around the world have condemned “gender-normalization” surgery, yet parents of children born with atypical genitalia continue to feel pressure from doctors to elect these surgeries.
Gender, on the other hand, is what we know and feel ourselves to be. Gender refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviors, expressions, and identities of boys, girls and gender-diverse children. Gender influences how children see themselves and one another, as well as how children act and interact. Children are conscious of their gender even in early childhood. Over time, this identity may align with the sex they were assigned at birth (cisgender) or with a different gender (transgender).
Because gender is a social construct, people have been boxed into binary gender categories throughout human history—despite the fact that cultures around the globe have recognized other genders for centuries. For example, Hawaiians have always had a “third gender” referred to as māhū, which refers to individuals of dual male and female spirit. Māhūs were valued and respected by the ancient Hawaiians as an integral part of the social culture that existed prior to the arrival of the Christian missionaries in 1820 and the long history of colonization that followed. (See māhū, hijra, muxe, and two-spirit in our glossary for additional examples of cultural identities that transcend the gender binary.)
Cultural understandings about gender are constantly evolving. In the U.S., our ideas about gender, masculinity and femininity have evolved significantly even in the past 50 years. People experience, name and express their genders in an infinite variety of ways, from gender identity and expression to anatomy and physiology to sexual orientation. These identities become even more complex when we consider them in relation to other influences on identity, such as family, community, culture, and broader sociopolitical realities. (See gender models in our glossary).
As you can see, sex and gender are anything but binary! If we fail to recognize this established fact—and continue to reinforce a rigid binary that has never fully captured the diversity of the human race, we run the risk of inflicting serious and long-lasting harm on our youngest learners. Gender justice involves dismantling these false binaries and expanding our definitions of gender so that we can affirm and celebrate our diverse and shared humanity (Pennington, 2022).
We don’t give children a chance to name their own gender.
When we meet and work with children, we often make assumptions about their gender based on observable attributes, which may reflect social and cultural expectations, as well as aspects of their true identities.
Too often, we fail to communicate that gender is an aspect of personal identity that children have the right to claim. We define gender as a binary construct, and we teach children—often without realizing it—that gender exists only as a binary. We make gender the most salient characteristic of a child’s identity by continually grouping them by gender, referring to children as “boys and girls,” and evaluating their attractiveness, behaviors and physical attributes on the basis of gender stereotypes.
We assume children are “too young to understand.”
Many educators mistakenly believe that gender identity is not a subject that should be addressed in the early childhood classroom. They argue that children are too young to question or reject a gender, yet they expect these same children to understand and comply with the gender categories and gender-based labels that adults impose on them. When children reject gender stereotypes or declare that they are the “opposite” gender, we flip this argument on them and claim they cannot possibly know this at such a young age. Children deserve more credit than this, particularly given what we now understand about gender identity development.
Young children are interested in gender and ready to understand gender. As educators, we owe it to children to address gender diversity in our interactions and classroom practices. LGBTQ+ children do exist in our classrooms—and they are waiting for us to acknowledge and affirm their existence.
We control children’s play by perceived gender.
Adults are more likely to provide children with toys that reinforce gender stereotypes. Even when a variety of non-gendered toys are available, adults will often steer children toward toys that fit these stereotypes.
Children learn early on that they will be stopped, humiliated or harmed when they don’t conform to gender stereotypes in their play. This is one way that adults can fail to “let kids be kids.” Children’s play choices often reflect simple curiosity and exploration, whether that curiosity pertains to gender or other concepts. Any interference with this process runs counter to developmentally appropriate practice.
In other cases, play choices might reflect a child’s emerging identity in ways that might not become apparent until later in their development. Punishing children for their play choices is cruel and unjustifiable. Early childhood educators play an important role in supporting gender exploration by providing safe spaces where children can express their diverse identities through play. In other words, we must “let kids be kids” by supporting and protecting their right to explore a variety of toys and play activities.
We attach our ideas about gender to toys and play.
Trucks and blocks are often seen as toys meant for boys, while baby dolls and cooking sets are seen as toys meant for girls. This gender binary also extends to the dress-up area: firefighter uniforms are often considered suitable “for boys” and dresses are “for girls.”
Often, the language we use reinforces these ideas (e.g., fireman, policeman). But why? What purpose does this serve? Do we actually believe that only men should fight fires and only women should take care of babies? Don’t men cook, work in restaurants, and serve food? Pretend play can build shared understandings and even plant the seeds of empathy. Play is an expression of a child’s curiosity and interests—not something that causes harm!
By building your awareness of binary ideas about toys and play, you can avoid passing these rigid rules and stereotypes on to young children. Support gender exploration in your classroom or program and ensure that every child has access to degendered toys and materials.
We police colors by gender.
We also label colors according to the gender binary and then use these labels to restrict, criticize and even attack others. Just visit the toy or children’s clothing departments in any department store to observe this type of gender stereotyping in vivid color.
People can fixate on these ideas in toxic and harmful ways. Children are frequently told that certain colors are forbidden or “not for them.” Yet a favorite or chosen color can matter a lot to a child, regardless of how that color is “gendered.”
The reality is that colors don’t inherently have genders. Colors simply exist. The gendering of colors is not only arbitrary but transitory. The relationship between color and gender has changed throughout history—and these associations continue to change as societal values shift and fashion trends come and go.
Many factors other than gender determine an individual’s color choices. The colors that people wear are often determined by their interests and personal preferences, their families and their cultures—as well as what is available and affordable.
Resist the color police: Provide a safe and affirming space for children to explore, play, create, and pretend with whatever colors interest them. To quote the title of the inclusive children’s book by Gianna Davy: No One Owns the Colors!
We include and exclude children by assumed gender.
Children often feel comfortable with peers who are like them in some way. It is important to acknowledge commonalities and shared experiences. Girls frequently seek out other girls, and boys seek out other boys. There is nothing wrong with children playing with others of the same gender. Sometimes, however, this preference can become a form of inclusion or exclusion based solely on gender. We sometimes see children saying, “No boys allowed” or “No girls allowed.”
We may also observe even the youngest children policing each other by enforcing rigid gender stereotypes. We can acknowledge children’s feelings of solidarity with those who share their gender while also encouraging them to be kind and inclusive. As with so many aspects of early childhood education and play, the key is finding a balance. We also want to be aware of children who may be transgender or nonbinary and ensure that they are included and understood by their peers. Build a classroom environment that celebrates inclusion and diversity!
We allow rigid gender expectations to hinder identity development and limit children’s dreams and aspirations.
Children absorb all sorts of messages from the toys they play with, the images they see in the media, and the gender stereotypes that family and community members model. If a young girl observes that most firefighters are male—and the adults in her life reinforce this observation as “reality”—she may be less likely to see firefighting as a career option. This also means that she will miss out on the benefits of firefighter dramatic play, which can be empowering because it provides opportunities to “try on” traits such as personal agency, bravery and helpfulness. Conversely, how many men do you see in the field of early childhood education? What can you do to help young boys understand and appreciate the value of caring for and educating babies and young children? Commit to the practice of gender-free pretend play to empower children, encourage them to express their feelings freely, and help them learn and practice new skills.
We cause harm to children who do not conform to binary stereotypes.
When children play with toys that others perceive as being associated with the “opposite” gender, adults react irrationally and negatively. Their responses can range from verbal attacks to anger and even violence, particularly toward boys. This ongoing harm is one of the root causes of mental health issues (including depression) among young LGBTQ+ children.
As this harm unfolds, other young children observe the correction, punishment and harm, and they often learn these behaviors rather than learning how to practice kindness, empathy or allyship. They also absorb powerful messages about hate, homophobia and transphobia when adults do not step in to protect children from gender-based teasing, bullying or violence. Don’t educate children to be perpetrators or passive bystanders. Model what it means to be a friend or an ally and teach children to do the same.
We allow adult role models to be targeted and attacked.
Extremist attacks on educators, parents and caregivers affect children as well. The bigotry and violence, the normalization of hate speech, and the anti-LGBTQ+ legislation that has been passed in recent years are all intentional strategies designed to create fear, solidify stereotypes, silence educators, and reverse inclusivity.
These strategies are also attempts to erase the existence of LGBTQ+ children and criminalize their parents and caregivers. In this anti-LGBTQ+ climate, young children will absorb powerful messages about the risks of being who they are. Without visible, accessible, effective, and consistent support in schools, conditions worsen for children who do not conform to gender stereotypes. Educational settings become unsafe, leading to well-documented feelings of hopelessness and toxic stress. Learn more about how to be an ally to families and LGBTQ+ educators.
Does this really have a negative effect on young children?
In the previous paragraph, you read about some examples and effects of gender stereotyping. Hopefully, the answer to this last question is now clear: Gender is not only relevant to young children but a significant part of their development. Teaching about gender and supporting gender identity development and diversity is developmentally appropriate and may provide a variety of benefits for all children.
However, reinforcing gender stereotypes is harmful. By imposing rigid ideas about the meaning of masculinity and femininity and stigmatizing children who do not conform to these ideas, we limit the potential of children and damage them in ways that can compound over time. Gender stereotypes in early childhood eventually contribute to gender inequities in various fields—including early childhood education.
By increasing inequities and stunting social-emotional development, these stereotypes also reinforce prejudice, increase the likelihood of anti-LGBTQ+ violence, and result in a lower quality of life for LGBTQ+ individuals, worsening long-term mental health outcomes and increasing suicide rates.
The time to challenge harmful biases and stereotypes is NOW.
Children begin to develop an awareness of their own gender identities and the identities of others during the first five years of life.
By building our knowledge about gender identity, we can better support and affirm young children as they engage in early gender exploration and expression.
Through our collective commitment to inclusive teaching practices in early childhood education, we can also help children develop an understanding of gender that reflects the diverse realities of the world we all share.