Babies enter a world that is already deeply gendered.

From the moment of birth, babies are exposed to adult words for gender and their own assigned genders. During these early days of life, babies are also exposed to colors, clothing, and toys that are categorized by gender. This gendering occurs repeatedly at home and in early childhood education settings, teaching and reinforcing gender stereotypes before children are even aware of it (Weisgram et al., 2014). 

As you work with babies, what do you see them learning about gender from their surroundings? What messages are they exposed to about the different roles that people fill in their lives?

Children are making sense of the information they receive about gender.

At the age of three or four months, infants are already forming categories for the genders of the faces of their caregivers (Quinn, Yahr, & Kuhn, 2002). Infants may prefer faces that share features associated with the gender of their primary caregiver, and they may be able to differentiate gender in photographs. Life experiences, including the people that infants interact with, will have a significant impact on their development and enrich their gender categories as they mature. As educators, we should be cautious about reinforcing the idea that we can identify the genders of other people based on their appearance.

Some researchers have suggested that infants develop a visual preference for gender-stereotypical toys—even before they independently seek them out in play. Adult modeling and gender stereotyping are already influencing the behavior and visual preferences of children in their first months of life.

Representation is powerful even at this young age. How can children learn about the many ways that people are unique and different during their first year of life? What toys, materials and books might you use to reflect our diverse world?

Adult stereotyping begins to take root in children’s lives.

Children continue to receive adult feedback about their play and interactions. Even with toddlers, adults frequently provide feedback that is informed by unconscious gender biases. For example, adults may comment on a girl's appearance or social behaviors versus a boy's size, strength or motor skills (Chick, Heilman-Hauser, & Hunter, 2002).

 In classrooms with children aged two and under, researchers have observed adults referring to children as “boyfriend and girlfriend” or commenting that a child perceived as cisgender might like another child who is “pretty” (Chick, Heilman-Houser, and Hunter 2002). Even as toddlers, children receive messages from adults that their interactions with children of different genders are rooted in physical attraction or romantic intention, rather than social curiosity or shared interests. As a result, children begin to absorb and express the gender messaging that they have received from the adults in their lives. When they are exposed to gender-stereotyped toys, they will choose them. 

Do you encourage children to explore many different types of activities? Does your feedback to children transcend stereotypes and encourage both their sensitivity and strength?

Children understand categories and know when they do not fit into these categories.

At 18–24 months of age, children begin to name the gender categories that they have learned from the adults in their lives. They may not use the most common words to label others, but we can see evidence of what they’ve learned about gender through their language and behavior. It is important to note that this is not the same as children ”knowing their permanent gender identity.” It is more accurate to say that children begin to accept and embody the roles and identities that adults model and teach them (Pastel et al., 2019).

By the time they reach the age of two, some children will already recognize that they are different from other children when it comes to gender. This means that children between the ages of one and two are already beginning to form a sense of self in relation to the concept of gender and other people (Pastel et al. 2019). As educators, we then have a choice to make: Do we support and encourage authentic gender exploration and expression in children? Or do we force children to conform to our ideas?

How can you validate the interests of the children in your program and help them understand that the characteristics that make them unique or different should be celebrated?

Children seek understanding and validation.

By 24 months of age, children are more aware of the differences between children who are identified as “boys” or  “girls.” This awareness may arise from more obvious differences in appearance, such as hairstyles and clothing.

Some children who will later identify as trans may already be aware of how they feel about their gender (Pyne, 2014). Many will verbally state their gender during their third year and react negatively when others misgender them. They may also resist the attempts of adults to “correct” their behavior or dictate their choices of clothing or toys. Other children may already feel a need to conceal their gender.

How do you communicate to children that they are free to make their own choices about toys and types of play? What do you do to encourage them to express their true interests and identities in your classroom?

Children begin to act on or reject the gender stereotypes that they have been exposed to.

Between the ages of two and three, we begin to see the impact of binary thinking and gender stereotyping on young children. Girls (and, later, boys) will demonstrate an understanding of activities that are stereotyped by gender. This may be seen first in activities that children are exposed to frequently in their everyday lives, such as housework, applying makeup or fixing a car (Poulin-Dubois, et al., 2002).

By this age, children have internalized stereotypes related to color and gender as well. Children may seek out or avoid pink or blue based on the gender stereotypes associated with these colors (LoBue, et al., 2010).

For trans and gender-expansive children, many will clearly communicate their gender identity, even when it contradicts what adults have assumed or told them (Pastel et al., 2019). Other children may have already begun to invalidate those who do not conform to gender stereotypes. This means that gender-expansive children may already be receiving negative messages from peers about their gender expression before they even reach preschool age. 

Before children have reached the age of three, they have already learned that gender limits their choice of activities, toys and colors—and often dictates the way they are treated. What can you do as an educator to ensure that this does not happen?

Children understand and tell us who they know themselves to be.

By the time they reach the age of three, most children have a strong sense of gender identity and can communicate that identity to others. It's important to keep in mind that children's gender identities and biases at this age will reflect what they have learned during the first few years of life from adults and peers (Shutts, Banaji, & Spelke, 2010).

At this stage of development, children have already developed an awareness of the forms of gender expression that will be accepted or affirmed by others and the forms that will elicit negative reactions from adults and/or peers. This knowledge will affect their gender expression and many other aspects of their self-image and behavior. Although children may already have strong feelings about gender at this age, they may not feel comfortable or safe enough to share these feelings.

While children at this age may not understand terms such as cisgender or transgender, we can see these and other gender presentations emerging at this time (Zero to Three, 2021). Adults often make the mistake of thinking that the matter of gender is now settled with children, but the preschool years are just beginning. Children will develop a clearer sense of gender when they have been exposed to the full spectrum of gender diversity in life and through media such as inclusive children’s books (Salinas-Quiroz and Sweder, 2023). What children learn and share will depend on their individual experiences and the support that they receive from the adults in their lives.  

This is an important time for adults to encourage children to develop positive relationships with children who express their genders in a variety of ways. As they develop further, children will begin to gravitate toward children who look and act like them (Shutts et al., 2010). At this stage, however, children are still building and refining their knowledge about the gender choices and characteristics of their peers.

As the preschool years begin, how do you show respect for children’s agency and autonomy with regard to gender?  Is your view of gender a binary one? Or do you recognize that gender is a continuum that consists of many types of gender expression?

Have you ever deprived children of their right to categorize and label their genders? Is your view of gender a binary one? Or do you see gender as a continuum that consists of many types of gender expression?

Gender continues to shape children’s choices and relationships.

Preschoolers can be quite clear about their interests. Some children will make conscious decisions to choose certain toys or types of play—despite the knowledge that parents, caregivers or peers may disapprove of these choices. Even at this young age, children will rebel against the restrictiveness of the gender binary!

At the same time, the gendering that exists in our world—and the social and family pressures that children experience regarding gender—influence their choices. They will often gravitate toward others of the same assumed gender and assign mostly positive traits to children of that gender (Albert and Porter, 1983; Yee and Brown, 1994). As children absorb and act on gender stereotypes, they are also defining a set of rules about what children can or cannot do based on their gender.

Some evidence suggests that language affects the ways in which children make generalizations about gender. When we make generalizations about what boys or girls can do—or when we compare one gender to another—children notice (for example, see Chestnut and Markman, 2018; Moty and Rhodes, 2021).

How do you talk about gender with young children? Does your language support or undermine children as they explore and express their gender identities? Do you generalize and compare one binary category to another? Or do you encourage children to understand that people have many characteristics that cannot be reduced to simple categories?

Children carry this knowledge forward as they continue to acquire knowledge and learn from experience in the years ahead, often before many adults have even considered the importance of gender!

Children’s gender biases and stereotypes are well-established by the age of five. Some of these assumptions are rooted in what children see and experience, while others may be incorrect or illogical (Martin and Ruble, 2004). We often attribute these biases to the limitations of the developing brain, forgetting that children have already experienced and internalized gender bias during the years between birth and five.

At this age, children may have already developed the belief that boys are better at math (Cvencek et al., 2011) and are more likely to be “extremely smart” than girls, among other stereotypes (Bian, Leslie and Cimpian, 2017). 

Children whose personalities and behaviors do not conform to gender stereotypes may enter kindergarten without any knowledge of gender diversity, any gender-affirming care, any exposure to trans or non-binary people, or the vocabulary they need to express their gender identities. They then enter elementary school, where gender-based teasing and bullying are well-documented and support for LGBTQ+ children may not be available for years, if at all. 

How can you ensure that you not only affirm the LGBTQ+ children in your care but give them the knowledge and vocabulary they need to understand and express who they are?