Working with trans and gender-expansive children
"What should I do to support trans or gender-expansive children in my early childhood classroom or program? Can young people be trans? How will I know, since the children I work with are so young?"
THESE ARE ALL VALID QUESTIONS. When attempting to build your knowledge about gender diversity and expand your skills for working with young children, consider how you can align new ideas and practices related to gender diversity with these universal ethical principles of early childhood education:
Base our work on knowledge of how children develop and learn. (NAEYC, 2011)
As you build your knowledge about gender identity, you will learn about the many ways that gender affects children and relates to their overall development. Young children’s emerging understanding of gender identity is apparent in their play, communication, choices, and relationships—but we will miss the signs if we are not committed to observing and listening.
Use your observation skills to detect the messages that children are sending about gender. Keep in mind that children’s awareness of their differences—whether those differences pertain to gender or other aspects of their identities—emerges in early childhood. Many children will simply explore gender as part of their quest to discover what it means to be a child in all of its diversity and complexity. For some children, however, gender exploration will reflect a need to understand their true identities (with support from educators) as they engage in a process that may one day be lifesaving.
Respect and affirm diversity. (NAEYC, 2011)
Respecting and supporting the developing identities of all children is a key responsibility for educators. We should never assume who children are or who they will become. Nor should we presume to know their gender identity better than they do.
Respect and believe in children as competent and insightful. Listen to and build on their understandings, rather than dismissing them. Challenge yourself to resist deficit-based and fear-based thinking and decision-making.
Children who defy gender stereotypes are not “broken.” Rather, they are evidence that binary thinking and gender stereotyping are false constructs that fail to represent the full range of gender expression.
Gender-nonconforming children need your help to open up new pathways into the future. In order to respect and affirm trans and gender-expansive children, we must first acknowledge that they exist. We cannot claim to respect diversity if we do not affirm and celebrate diversity in our classrooms. As an educator, you have either worked with a child whose identity challenges the gender binary, you are working with one now, or you will likely work with one at some point in the future. This does not necessarily mean that all or any of these children will grow up to be transgender. However, now is the time to provide early childhood education rooted in acceptance and affirmation. The time to begin thinking about what you can do to acknowledge and celebrate gender diversity is now.
Respect the dignity, worth and uniqueness of each individual. (NAEYC, 2011)
Supportive practices respect the dignity, worth and uniqueness of trans and gender-expansive children. Their gender identities may or may not be consistent with the sex assigned to them at birth. Regardless, it is important to affirm their developing identities and honor who they tell us they are.
Many people wonder: “What if they change their mind?” Remember that how we express ourselves is a choice, but our innate sense of self is not. If a child is persistently and consistently communicating their gender identity, it won’t change. Then ask yourself: “What if they change their mind?” The worst outcome is that they will know that the people in their lives have listened to them, respected them, and validated them. This all contributes to their self-esteem and self-confidence, which are both critical parts of their social-emotional development.
All children deserve to have their identities respected, validated and valued. Do this by teaching them about a world that includes trans and gender-expansive people, challenging gender stereotypes, and ensuring that your program offers a safe space for gender exploration and expression.
Empower children to express themselves. (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2020)
Children may not talk to us about their identities or share what they are thinking and feeling. This isn’t because they aren’t capable of expressing themselves. Rather, it’s because the adults in their lives have failed to give them the vocabulary or references they need to put their thoughts and feelings into words.
How can they explain feelings that no one has ever acknowledged or affirmed? How can they relate to identities that they have never encountered? How can they express their individuality in contexts where there is relentless pressure to conform? And last, but not least, how can they experience empathy in a world where no one understands them?
Trans and gender-expansive children do exist in early childhood settings. But if we fail to recognize and empower them—and if we allow them to move into their elementary years without the support of understanding peers—we become part of a cascade of risk factors that will undermine their futures.
Children need adults who will:
- Support and affirm them as they explore and express their emerging gender identities
- Introduce inclusive language to give them the vocabulary they need to name and claim their identities
- Ensure that their educational environments are safe spaces where they will be protected from harm directed at their behaviors, play choices, appearance, or gender identities
- Teach them about diversity and build their self-esteem and interpersonal skills, rather than limiting their involvement to “correct and protect”
Teaching children to accept differences is good. Building allyship is better. (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2020)
We already know that LGBTQ+ children face great obstacles to their mental health and academic success as they enter elementary school. These obstacles are not rooted in their identities; rather, they arise from invisibility, a lack of support, and harm inflicted by others.
LGBTQ+ children can be incredibly resilient, but their futures should not rest on resilience alone. As educators, we hold the responsibility to ensure that school is an emotionally safe and nurturing environment. Children require more than acceptance; they need meaningful and supportive friendships, as well as adult and peer allies.
This is one of the ways that teaching about diverse identities serves all children. By normalizing diversity, we reduce stigma and harm. But we can do even more to build a better social world for trans and gender-expansive children by teaching all children to support and protect one another and interrupt harm when it occurs. Early childhood is an important time when children are learning about the expectations of friendship and what it means to be a member of a community. When we instill these values in the classroom, we are planting the seeds of allyship.
Recognize that children are best understood and supported in the context of family, culture, community, and society. (NAEYC, 2011)
Most of the literature that addresses our work with gender-expansive children emphasizes the importance of navigating the conflicts that inevitably arise when family members object to our inclusive teaching practices. If we develop and maintain a clear mission of inclusion and equity, we create a starting point for productive conversations about diversity and inclusion.
We should keep in mind, however, that we must do more than simply address the concerns that families may have about our inclusive practices. Our ultimate goal is to support children by challenging biases and stereotypes that lead to harmful practices. To do so, we must view parental concerns as opportunities to listen, inform, and problem-solve. When parents and caregivers enlist our support to help their gender-nonconforming child navigate a gendered world, we must seize this opportunity to enhance our curriculum and pedagogy.
Remember that our goal is equity and justice for children and families. (NAEYC, 2019)
Start by building your knowledge. Then change your practice. Then collaborate with parents and colleagues to share your resources and broaden your impact. Here’s something else to keep in mind: While welcoming and inclusion are important, they are not enough. To support transgender and gender-expansive children as they move on to their elementary school years, we must implement practices that will help these children in the short term as well as the long term. Only then will we be fostering the systemic change that we need to see in the world.